# Migration | Guilt: Leaving Family Behind



## Nelly87 (Jul 3, 2011)

Hi everyone,

It's been a hot minute since I've been on here. I arrived in Australia on 31 January 2012 (at age 24) and have lived here since, permanent partner visa granted in 2015 and we are still together and very happy with our life here. 

I'm just looking for some emotional support through shared experience, I suppose. 

I am an only child. My parents divorced and and found their new partners (that they are both still married to) when I was 19. When my plan to migrate from The Netherlands to Australia first came up when I was 23, they struggled with it but tried their very hardest to remain the supportive, open-minded parents they want to be. They wanted me to be happy, they raised me to be independent and go my own way and not make life choices out of guilt or obligation, etc etc. 

Now, almost 9 years later, they are both 70 and I thought things would get easier with time, but I feel like they've only gotten more difficult. They are feeling their mortality - with my dad having survived a massive heart attack and my stepdad having just been cleared of cancer - as well as retirement is just... I guess it's not exciting for them, no matter how many hobbies they pick up or friends they make. I get the constant subliminal signal that everything would just be easier for them if I was just able to drop by for lunch a couple of times a week. 

I do miss them as well. However - things are a little different for me. Apart from that I love my life here. Their divorce was incredibly unpleasant and toxic. It changed a lot for me. The distance has kind of helped me let go of grudges and make peace and I believe it's actually brought us closer - our weekly Skype sessions are far more bonding and "tuned in" than the relationship we used to have, in my opinion.

But I'm starting to feel this horrible, pressing guilt. They are getting older. I'm not there to help them. And though they're kind enough not to say it - they make subliminally clear life would be easier for them if I had never moved to Australia. 

Does anyone else struggle with similar pain and guilt? How do you handle it? I'm terrified that when one of them passes away, I'll be overcome by guilt that I wasn't physically there more. I don't know how I'll feel, of course. They spent my whole life telling me that they made bad life choices out of obligation to their parents and that they want me to be free to live my own life... and yet here we are. 

Nell


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