# my "wife" went to sydney



## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

Hi guys,

My so called "wife" went to sydney, informed me 24 hours before leaving, never invited me to come along for the "holiday". she was going there for a 2 weeks holiday so she says.

She took all her documentation with her(which is strange, a big folder)
and took her passport(which is the only thing she would need for identification purposes)

I don't know why she would do this,
but as I am her sponsor, is there anything I can do or say...

am I not responsible for her? or is she free to roam australia
In my opinion, that isn't a marriage, couples don't act like that...

She told me she doesn't want to talk to me, but when she gets back in "2 weeks" that we will talk then.

I am 1 day away from cancelling my sponsorship to her.


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## CollegeGirl (Nov 10, 2012)

Is she free to roam Australia? She is an adult, and you are her husband, not her captor. Sorry, the way you asked that question is just really off to me.

Anyway - she's an adult. She is in the country legally. She has the right to come and go, wherever she pleases, with or without you. 

HOWEVER, her visa is of course dependent on your relationship being genuine and continuing. If you are willing to say without a doubt that your marriage is over because she decided to take a two-week holiday without you, well, then that's your prerogative.

Would I consider it a serious indication of problems with my marriage if my husband took off for two weeks without telling me why? Oh, absolutely. I'd be devastated. But (if the situation were reversed and I were the sponsor) would I just up and cancel his visa and declare our marriage over? Absolutely not. I'd at least give him a chance to explain, find out what he thought the problems were with the marriage that led to him taking off like that, and do my best to work on our marriage with him. Personally I don't think marriage is something you give up on at the drop of a hat... and cancelling your spouse's visa is not something you can just undo.

You might not imagine there could be ANY good reason for her taking this sudden holiday... but what if there is, and she has a good explanation when she comes back... and at that point you've cancelled her visa and she now has two weeks to leave Australia?


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks for your reply, I understand that

The marriage has been very rocky from a long time ago,

I don't want to control her life, shes free to to what she pleases. but if it affects the relationship - considering the relationship WAS on a mend

but, she NEVER includes me in to anything, im always asking her if she wants to go out, go on holidays... but she doesn't want to do it with me..

and she doesn't want to talk to me for 2 weeks, who does that? someone that doesn't love me..lol

, so far no contact with me for 6 days..


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

So can go about Australia as she feels but it is odd that she would go without telling you. Would my husband do that ... hell no! Would I do that ... hell no!

IMO it is strange that she wants to talk to you when she gets home but maybe it is a conversation that needs to be had face to face and not over the phone. Maybe she went to a specialist or pregnant or anything really.

Don't jump the gun and do it before she comes back and talks to you because then her visa will be cancelled. Wait until she talks to you and then decide what you want to do.


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

Question .... how long till she is eligible for pr?


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

she is eligible for pr in a few months i believe

I know she will leave me when she is pr, why would she stay with me if all we do is argue because we have conflict of interests? - the arguments are just nit picking at each other, its not a full-blown out argument, no yelling or anything, its pretty much constant disagreements. which i've tried to address and adjust, but it just never ends.

shes happy to live a single life(so she has told me in the past)
and she questions if she actually loves me..


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## CollegeGirl (Nov 10, 2012)

Ah, I see. With the additional info I think I understand a bit better. Still... I'd wait until she gets back. I'm honestly not sure what I'd do in your case. You seem MOSTLY sure the marriage is over... but not completely 100% sure. But it does sound like the chance she is just trying to hang in until she has PR is also there as well. I guess it comes down to a choice... which is worse to you. Would you feel worse if she really did want the marriage to continue and you only found out after you cancelled her visa, ending both her stay here and the marriage... or would you feel worse if she did turn out to be, as you fear, just getting her PR before leaving you. Sometimes relationships aren't black and white, so the answer to how you handle this isn't either. Best wishes to you, though, whatever you decide.


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

I personally think just wait until she comes home and explain just incase there is something.

But it is something you need to think long and hard about especially since her pr is coming up and you think that she will leave after she gets pr.

Just remember that if she thinks you will cancel your sponsorship she may do something to change your mind so you need to question if it is the truth or for the permanent residence visa. 

You people that marry an aussie just for a pr visa make me mad! At times makes me think that they should either make it longer to get a pr for partners or they should have some kind of review after a other 2 years.


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## travellor (May 3, 2014)

ME? from what you have described plus so early in a marriage, I would give her the time requested and if she has;nt got a pretty good reason then cancel the visa...or be prepared to be humiliated when she gets her meal ticket and waves it in your face......


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

I will add addition information , it is a private thing but no names including, so totally anonymous:

she had a bf who she left to marry me(I found out, when pictures of her and her x sent to me in my inbox of which was inappropriate activity(if you like) and of which she admitted.

I forgave her for that, but really - when you were in love with someone, you can forget a lot of things, and ALOT of the important things you should pickup on your partners intentions go way over your head, and you don't really know them truly until its almost too late..

I don't want to sound like im making a big deal out of nothing, but this goes beyond what she has recently done,

I think a BIG part of me wants to end the marriage officially(sponsor cancellation) - but a big part of me will feel a lot of pitty to her, but I want to do the right thing.

I told her I want to cancel my sponsorship but She told me last time that I should have a heart and think of her family(but, she isn't in australia to be with her family, but just support them back home), she is in australia to be with me.

she makes me feel guilty


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

Unfortunately we hear this all too often . Is the bf from Phillipines too? If so maybe she is going to go back to him after she gets pr?

It really is something you need to talk to her about when she gets back. Also it sounds like you are undecided and having trouble deciding too. Talking to a phycologist can also help in regards to your feelings and to determine what you want to do.

I wish you all the luck for this


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## Maggie-May24 (Jul 24, 2011)

You posted several weeks ago that the relationship was breaking down, and that she was only staying with you to get her PR status.

It doesn't sound like anything has changed. She isn't in full control of your relationship. If this isn't the marriage you want, tell her so and then tell DIBP that your relationship has ended.


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## Star Hunter (Jun 29, 2012)

Ouch! At first I thought (honestly) that you were a controlling husband - been with a very abusive ex husband who also had to control every aspect of my life, to the point of telling (not asking) me what underwear I wear, how I needed to groom my hair....everything! 

That being said, after reading the rest of your responses, it sounds like she is the manipulative one. I would definitely question her motives. Why does she need a two week holiday, who is she holidaying with? 

There are red flags here, and it doesn't sound like your relationship is genuine at this point. Your wife sounds like one of those very women who DIBP are trying to filter out with their demanding partner visa process. She sounds dishonest and manipulative and you're right, it doesn't sound like she loves you. 

It's up to you, but if you are at the point where you know In your heart that your relationship is over, then legally you have an obligation to inform immigration that your relationship is no longer continuing. I recommend doing it before she gets PR because we need to send a message that non genuine visa applicants won't be allowed to get away with trying to manipulate their way into permanent residency.


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## chicken999 (May 2, 2013)

Cancel her sponsorship immediately she's a user and should get booted out of the country


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## kavzee (May 5, 2014)

Yeh sounds like she's just hanging in for the PR. I'd definitely cancel, that sounds nothing close to a loving genuine lasting relationship which is the basis on which her PR will be granted.

You can give her a chance but it seems like shes using you perhaps for the sake of supporting her family back home, either way she should explain.


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

thanks for all the kind replies,

I have 2 choices, of which they both will not benefit her

1) I can cancel the sponsorship immediately

or

2) I ask her to move out if she comes back(to her friends house) & let the visa expire automatically

*2 is more risky, as I know its easy to get a false domestic order against someone which gives them PR upfront(a couple of her filipina friends have had that done - but not sure on their circumstances)


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## Confused2 (Oct 19, 2013)

somerandom said:


> thanks for all the kind replies,
> 
> I have 2 choices, of which they both will not benefit her
> 
> ...


Go with Option 1 &#8230; and i m sorry to hear what you going through.and i agree with others she seems like a user,don't let her use you anymore.Go with option 1.All the best.


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## thesmoothsuit (Sep 9, 2013)

Did she return and apply?


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## Star Hunter (Jun 29, 2012)

somerandom said:


> thanks for all the kind replies,
> 
> I have 2 choices, of which they both will not benefit her
> 
> ...


If the relationship is absolutely over, cancel her sponsorship now. As you stated, if you just tell her to leave, she can use that to claim domestic violence - not all DV involves physical violence or she could even state that she left the house voluntarily due to "feeling unsafe". She might not be able to prove domestic violence to the point where you get in hot water, but even just having a convincing story will probably be enough for her to get PR on compassionate grounds - especially if she claims that she felt she had no choice to leave your home and provide proof that she is settled in Australia.

It really sounds like she has received advice from someone on how to work the system. Unfortunately for most of the people on the forum, DIBP is so hard to work around because crap like this does happen, all the time. You're not the first and you won't be the last.

Sending you lots of hugs and strength! I know you're angry, but I also know that a part of you must be grieving the loss of the relationship and I'm sorry you have been used this way


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## travellor (May 3, 2014)

Opps just heard it mentioned...she is a Filipina? Ok this might be out of step to ask if there is an age difference here? 

I now change my original wait n ask to getting serious about ending it...Sorry but you are not the first nor the last..


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

She is the same age as me, she is filipina

i will cancel the sponsorship this week,

I talk to her friends, and a few other people - they also mention to cancel the sponsorship.

thanks everyone, i am feeling relieved a bit, so i can get on with my life


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## travellor (May 3, 2014)

Good mate you really deserve to be happy.....I will send you a PM as soon as I do the time....btw where are you in OZ?


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## GBP (Jun 1, 2013)

Do the right thing, mate. 
Hopefully you don't have to come back to ask for opinions in few weeks time.


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

Good-luck on it. I hope everything goes smoothly with it for you.


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

Haven't had time to ring immi yet, I will ring them tomorrow when I leave work early.

I have a question,

Because I am married in philippines, sometime in the future if I ever decide, could I sponsor someone from philippines on a tourist visa and marry them here?


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## chicken999 (May 2, 2013)

U have to have 5 years between sponsorships generally. But u can invite on tourist visa


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## Star Hunter (Jun 29, 2012)

somerandom said:


> Haven't had time to ring immi yet, I will ring them tomorrow when I leave work early.
> 
> I have a question,
> 
> Because I am married in philippines, sometime in the future if I ever decide, could I sponsor someone from philippines on a tourist visa and marry them here?


Yes, you can sponsor again, but as stated you will need a five year gap between sponsorships, unless here are very compassionate circumstances involved. Keep in mind though that I believe there is a lifetime limit of two sponsorships for every Australian citizen, you've sponsored once so you only have one more chance. Make sure you're 100% certain of the relationship in the future.

Firstly though, just work on getting your life back and moving on from this ordeal. You deserve to be happy, and don't let this experience get you down too much xxxx


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## soontowed (Mar 20, 2014)

Mish said:


> I personally think just wait until she comes home and explain just incase there is something.
> 
> But it is something you need to think long and hard about especially since her pr is coming up and you think that she will leave after she gets pr.
> 
> ...


.. I agree to you mish. Sorry to my own fellas, yes some filipina were marrying just to escape poverty in Phils. I am not saying all but some, so people like us were badly affected in decision making because of previous incidents and I hate that some filipina are users, some too were scammer. They say filipna are the best wife?? Nope.. when you marry filipina you are marrying the whole family, Because they think aussie are just picking money in the tree. After they got they pr, they will just drop you off like a hot potato. I am affected by all the negative attitude of my fellow filipina, and yes also they should considered age gap difference and Push a review after 2 years before they grant pr.. When I twice travelled there, I got lots of advice from filipina to stay illegally and find job, telling what if my fiance will leave me and find new one after I get back home stupid idea. I know some filipina will dis agree with me but I am not saying all of us, I said SOME".. lets face reality.. To me yes he should stick to plan A.. cancel her pr..


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks everyone,

I am working on getting my life back together.. I am not in a rush to go into another relationship


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## Dinkum (Jan 5, 2014)

*A milestone...*

There are many thinking of you here. You are not alone. Very best wishes for the next stage of your life, whichever direction you choose. Cheers...



somerandom said:


> Thanks everyone,
> 
> I am working on getting my life back together.. I am not in a rush to go into another relationship


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

today I found out via her friend, that my now x-wife went to sydney for work(which is what i suspected all this time) - not exactly a holiday like she told me.

the friend has told me her failure to get a job there, and expects me to accept her again, probably so she can get PR and than leave me again... lol cunning...

i wish i met a legit filipina girl.


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

Oh that sucks so much but just remember that we are all here for you and support you in your decision . 

I always thought it was strange that she went to Sydney for 2 weeks for a holiday. Seems an awful long time for a holiday.

Did you ring up immigration to report her? Does she know that she it has been cancelled yet? I am just curious to how immigration inform her that it has been cancelled.


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

I finished work late all last week(just gone), wasn't allowed to take a day off.. so will have to do it monday..

well, it's not that she said she was going on holiday for 2 weeks, what caught my attention was that she took all of our documents(visa, marriage cert. etc.)

but all she needed for ID. was her passport?


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

I believe you need to do it in writing, so you can always send them a letter if you can't get there on Monday to deliver the letter in person.

Strange one that she would take a marriage certificate with her.


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## Star Hunter (Jun 29, 2012)

It sounds like she was trying to establish a life without you in readiness for when she received PR.

Your story has made me so angry and distressed on your behalf, and on the behalf of all the actual legitimate immigrant hopefuls from the phillipines. Your wife is a big part of the reason why truly genuine couples struggle to be together. 

I am also curious as to how immigration will notify her, and what she will do once she is notified. I think you need to get your ducks in a row as well and make sure she can't make any case of family violence against you. I'm only worried because at this point, if she is told to leave, she may be very desperate to stay and will try anything - hurting you or damaging your reputation in the process. 

I think you're doing the right thing because it doesn't sound like this was ever a marriage based on love on her part, but was a marriage that suited her own selfish agenda.


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## GBP (Jun 1, 2013)

Beware, the next card she gonna play most probably is "domestic violence". Be prepared.


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## Marianina (Oct 25, 2012)

What a terrible, terrible shame. I am so sorry this has happened. She is a disgrace to those of us who are here because of true love and genuine commitment to be with the one we love. It certainly is not fair for her to use you only to gain PR. Please do not feel guilty. You do not owe her (nor her family) anything. She did you wrong. You must cancel your sponsorship immediately so that her kind does not flourish. 

I would also like to add that I do not think it is poverty that drives a woman (from the Philippines or elsewhere) to do this. It is misplaced values, greed and blind ambition.


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## Oh8'sjustme (Feb 20, 2014)

Hi Somerandom,

I had been reading your previous post with regards to your wife. I don't know if you just love her too much or your just too much nice person. but whatever it is (is not my business). As a person who truly feel sorry for your situation you have to learn to love yourself , surely you want your marriage to work but you know enough is enough. Hoping she will change is a bit of a lottery (which I doubt she will). Being nice is great but sometimes in life you need to be tough. Give her the rough justice she deserve.

1. Calling DIBP, cancelling your sponsorship, she will be deported back to Phils.
2. Playing silent and let her get Pr she will probably drop you off like a hot potato later.

Either way , your going to lost her and your marriage. So what's your pleasure??? 
I wish you all the best whichever direction you choose to. Goodluck mate!


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## Confused2 (Oct 19, 2013)

If you want to get rid of her then take action now.otherwise as GBP mentioned her next step will be "domestic violence"…take action before she plays her next card and please remember we are all here for you to support you.ALl the best.


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## travellor (May 3, 2014)

Hi..ive been married to a great Filipina lady for 6 years and lived in Cebu 5 of those years....Its not a secret that a lot unfortunately are after a meal ticket out of the country and will do anything to get residency....it angers my missus and a few of our friends who have loving relationships, that these girls continue to give the Philippines a bad reputation.....

But I may be biased here a bit ...Filipinas make great companions..


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

I e-mail immigration to tell them to cancel sponsorship..

Is there at all ANY chance that she COULD stay in australia given that:

no report of domestic violence
no children
and I haven't died

I really want immigration to send her home as she does not deserve to be in Australia.


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

Only if she stays here illegally or finds another visa to apply for.

Does she know yet?


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

she mention something about applying for another visa? but what visa could she apply for? she is not skilled worker or anything..

the only thing I can think of, is.. a tourist visa.. if her friend applies for her? but she can't work... unless illegally..


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## Maggie-May24 (Jul 24, 2011)

She would need to qualify for another visa on her own (e.g. skilled migration).


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

ah ok, no chance... the work she currently does, anyone can do... and she has no qualifications


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

Sounds like she has got no chance. She may try and stay illegally...


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## somerandom (Dec 18, 2010)

hi guys,

when I sent the email.. how do they know it was actually ME(the sponsor) who sent it? it could be a hacker, or anyone right...

do they ring me yeah to confirm ?


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

I have no idea. Maybe post in Ask Mark! & ask him.

I would have thought you had to fill in a form to tell them that it ended but stranger things have happened.


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## jytc (Jun 24, 2013)

Give as much of information about the case..Maybe include the application number of the partner visa, your personal details or contact numbers so they can call and confirm you're the real person?


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## dejainc (Jun 23, 2013)

Mish said:


> I would have thought you had to fill in a form to tell them that it ended but stranger things have happened.


You could use the change of circumstance form. But you need your case ID anyways.


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## Melody (Nov 3, 2014)

somerandom said:


> hi guys,
> 
> when I sent the email.. how do they know it was actually ME(the sponsor) who sent it? it could be a hacker, or anyone right...
> 
> do they ring me yeah to confirm ?


When she applied for the visa, did you apply by yourself (I mean not using any agent)? I think theres a question regarding communication with the department, and if you put an email address there, that email is the one going to be "approved" to communicate with department regarding the application for the applicant, so Im not sure about the sponsor.

Because I once tried to contact the department myself, they refused to say anything because the email I used was new and it was not listed as the 'approved' email for the application. So I had to submit a new form with the latest contact details.

But you as the sponsor should be able to. Just send the email to her processing centre (you can find this on her grant letter / email) and just make sure you write down your details, TRN (important!), her details, her passport number and yours, also attach your passport scan.

If you can not get any of the details (since she took them all to Sydney, and who the hell remembers all those details numbers in their head), try ring the Immi to see if you can get any information. If cant, then just make sure you write down your address and all her details you know and what visa she applied for etc on your email. They should be able to check.

Good luck !


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## blee (Oct 1, 2014)

This is terrible... An outrageous and childish abuse of immigration laws and person who truly loves..

Hope all things work out well for you! 

Best wishes


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## davejochow (Mar 27, 2014)

Im sorry about that, please find someone better you are young you deserve better than this


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## Mish (Jan 13, 2013)

davejochow said:


> I have heard horror stories about from Filipino marriages. I dont want to incorrectly assume that there is a large age gap, but when there is its most probably not going to work out. Im going to be honest and say young women dont marry much older men for live. It doesnt happen in australian, its not because of culture, but young women dont find your average middle age blokes that attractive, this is universal (i talk as a young woman). So probably next time find someone close to your age.


Actually it does happen in Australia. My friend is married to a guy 20 years older than her and has been for almost 10 years. So it does happen in Australia just you don't see alot of it.


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## WendyB (May 22, 2014)

I'm 11 years younger than my husband. We've been married for 4 years and in a relationship for over 13 years. it all boils down to finding the right person.


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## travellor (May 3, 2014)

YES wendy.....but when the guy is around the 60 mark and the lady involved is early 20's, it makes you wonder......and yes...I have first hand knowledge that this is very common not hearsay......speaking of the Philippines here...


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## Clodard (Sep 8, 2014)

Our celebrant was telling my fiance about the time that a 20 year old and 70 year old came to her to ask her to marry them. She turned then away because it was so clear it was for the visa. Talk about chancing your arm. 

I really do hate people who try to abuse the system. My fiance and I met online, we have been in love for six years. I would hate for our PMV to be rejected because online relationships have a higher instance of fraud. Naturally after 6 years we have lost a lot of stuff pertaining to our relationship. Our chat logs only go back to 2010.


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## WendyB (May 22, 2014)

travellor said:


> YES wendy.....but when the guy is around the 60 mark and the lady involved is early 20's, it makes you wonder......and yes...I have first hand knowledge that this is very common not hearsay......speaking of the Philippines here...


that kind of age difference would make anyone wonder anywhere. It's not common in most of the western countries....speaking from the US here.


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## Becky26 (Jun 18, 2013)

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.
Really sad that some people are so cruel that they don't think what the after effects of their actions will be on the other person. Playing with someone's emotions is the lowest someone can go.
I just hope you do the right thing and find someone who makes you happy selflessly, to spend your life with. Hope everything works out for you.
Good Luck! Praying for you.

Kind Regards,
Becky


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## chicken999 (May 2, 2013)

travellor said:


> YES wendy.....but when the guy is around the 60 mark and the lady involved is early 20's, it makes you wonder......and yes...I have first hand knowledge that this is very common not hearsay......speaking of the Philippines here...


I think in these circumstances the guy really has to wake up to himself and be aware why she is doing it. Surely he can't be so stupid to believe she really loves him


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## davejochow (Mar 27, 2014)

11 years is not that bigger gap, im talking about a much larger gap my husband and i are 10 years. Apart.Lik Plus 10 years is good for a marriage but they are alot of middle age divorces so it doesnt really mean you have made it


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## CollegeGirl (Nov 10, 2012)

Melody said:


> When she applied for the visa, did you apply by yourself (I mean not using any agent)? I think theres a question regarding communication with the department, and if you put an email address there, that email is the one going to be "approved" to communicate with department regarding the application for the applicant, so Im not sure about the sponsor.
> 
> Because I once tried to contact the department myself, they refused to say anything because the email I used was new and it was not listed as the 'approved' email for the application. So I had to submit a new form with the latest contact details.
> 
> ...


Hey - you might want to keep an eye on the date of a thread you're responding to. Did you find it by searching or something?  This thread is several months old, and since you responded to it it bumps it back up to the top of the forum where everyone thinks it's new and tries to help.  (Which I'm about to do responding to you, heh.)

No need to jump in and help, folks - OP hasn't posted in this thread in several months.  Hopefully it's all worked out for him.


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## Melody (Nov 3, 2014)

CollegeGirl said:


> Hey - you might want to keep an eye on the date of a thread you're responding to. Did you find it by searching or something?  This thread is several months old, and since you responded to it it bumps it back up to the top of the forum where everyone thinks it's new and tries to help.  (Which I'm about to do responding to you, heh.)
> 
> No need to jump in and help, folks - OP hasn't posted in this thread in several months.  Hopefully it's all worked out for him.


Oopsies sorry I actually found the thread at the bottom of other thread, on the "similar" thread section and didn't check the date (I should of!)

Next time I'll make sure I check the date


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## CollegeGirl (Nov 10, 2012)

No worries.  I have blonde moments all the time, lol!


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